Nothing To Wear (May 2009)

“I can’t find anything to wear!” I shrieked at my husband. This would not be the first time in history that a woman made this claim. Woman all over America, all over the world, say this daily. If there’s a statistic somewhere, I’d love to see it. It would probably go something like this: Every 1.9 seconds, somewhere in the world a woman can’t find something to wear.

But here’s what makes my proclamation semi-newsworthy: I almost never say this. What makes it more unusual still is that my revelation came before bed, a time when most people don’t care as much about what they wear. Me included. This had nothing to do with style. Here’s how the non-issue of my bedtime wardrobe became something.

I was tired. I wanted to be bed ten minutes ago, and didn’t have the energy or patience to make one more decision that day. Also, I was cold. Standing almost naked at my closet doors, goose bumps dotting my arms, clothing really was an issue. I could not find my PJs or leggings that could provide adequate warmth. Only PJ shorts, which would not do.

Like many women, I despise being cold. I’d rather be dirty, tired, head-achy…almost anything but cold. I’ve been known to sleep in jeans before, if the air was cold enough and I could not bear stripping out of my warm jeans and into some bedtime-designated (but cold) item. On some winter nights I bundle up for bed in PJs, robe, scarf, socks, and yes, knit hat. So you see, warmth at bedtime is a must for me.

At some point after my desperate announcement I must have located my PJs and staggered toward bed. The problem was a one-time issue, and barely worth mentioning. Except for the humor in it (which, naturally, I saw only later, because if you’re a woman prone to being cold, there’s nothing funny about it when you are standing there, shivering.). It struck me afterward that there were many universal themes at work in that moment:

· the woman shivering while her boxer-clad husband made weird eyes at her, saying “I can’t believe you’re cold!”
· the woman claiming she has a closet full of “nothing to wear.”
· the desperation of a tired mom just wanting to get to bed after a day of putting out fires and the cruel irony of not being able to do the only thing left on her list that day: get to bed warm!

On that note I think I’ll say goodnight and leave you with this final thought: If you aren’t warm enough in clothes and bedcovers, but you have someone in the bed with you, latch on to him/her. As I tell the hubby whenever this scenario comes up, he is obligated to share his warmth. It was in our wedding vows, paragraph two, line 12: if I am cold, your warmth can be mine too, but if I’m warm and you’re not, see ya!