Transitions

 

New pink erasers. The smell of crayons. Full bottles of Elmers glue. Yes, school is in again. This fall, however, is different from the others. I am not gearing up to teach art to kids, as I have every fall for the last seven years. I wanted to explain, because my blog has included a lot of kids’ art over the years.

I had no plans to stop teaching art at the private school where I taught part-time for seven years. Teaching became part of my identity, and I loved watching my students discover their creative sides.

In July, my boss told me that he needed someone to run a new art program during after-care at school. It would be for two hours each day, after school. He did not want to hire someone else to do afternoons, while I kept my Wednesday teaching schedule. I suggested various compromises, but he wanted one teacher rather than two.

It was a hard decision, but ultimately, I chose to step away. The school is twenty miles away, and I felt it would be a lot for me to create new lessons, drive to school, set up, teach for two hours, clean up, and repeat the next day. My youngest just started a new school and isn’t old enough to drive, so the school pick up time would conflict with my teaching after school. It’s just a different schedule than what worked so well for my family, and so I am stepping back. I will miss my students so much, but I will keep in touch with some of the families. I hope the kids will remember me and know that their teacher cared.

I liked being part of a team of teachers, working together toward a common goal. Earlier in my career, I painted murals, usually alone. While I like solitude, one needs balance. It felt so good to be part of a group, to make a difference with kids.

When you are a teacher, especially of little kids, you become part of their world. It’s a sacred bond. In addition to creating art projects, I put Band-Aids on ouchies. I comforted crying kids who felt left out. I gave teenagers life advice about believing in themselves. It was so much more than a job. So, I am mourning this loss. Each day I feel both happy and sad emotions. My family and friends have made sure I laugh each day, but it’s a struggle to make sense of all this. I’m choosing to write about this here on my blog because we bond when we share our true feelings, when someone tells us their stories. I’m not looking for pity, but I’m also not ashamed to admit how hard this loss is. 

Obviously, there are much bigger problems in the world than where I work. I’m lucky that I have a choice about where I work, because many people do not. But when you give your heart to your job and your students, and when that changes without warning, it’s difficult to accept.

My current plan is to work another part-time job, but not in a classroom. Because I have a degree in art but not a teaching credential, it limits where I can teach. I’m not ready to start teaching somewhere new, because I’m still mourning the loss of this position, and I miss these kids. But in the future, I may be back in the classroom again and blogging about kids’ art. I have a few ideas about what’s next, but I want to make a thoughtful choice, not a quick decision, so I’m mulling things over first…

I had two special moments recently, when I was plein air painting around town. A little girl came up to me with her mom and I explained to her what I was doing. She was too shy to talk to me, but I enjoyed our time together. Here is the Craftsman house I was painting. 

I told her I thought the house looked like it was hidden behind trees and that it reminded me of a fairy tale because the house felt mysterious, like a secret. Later, once she was home, across the street, she waved at me from her living room window, again and again.

A few days later, two young boys and their dad walked by my easel. I was midway through painting a yucca tree. I liked the contrast between the pure white of the yucca flowers and the crisscrossing of the dark power lines.

Upon seeing my canvas, the older one smiled and said, “Oh, it’s the same tree right there!” It boosted me to talk with them. These moments reinforced how much I love being around kids.

This blog will continue, as I post about my own art adventures, doing plein air painting around San Diego. I want to do more public art, so there may be posts about that, too. There are still stories to tell and color to bring to the world, even if student art will not be the focus for now.

Here are a few photos of what I’ve been up to this summer. My summer took an unexpected turn, but I tried to find happiness each day, watching sunsets, painting outdoors, and walking in nature.

1970s Schwinn Stingray Fastback

Painter's Point, La Jolla, CA

The Rady Shell at Jacob's Park, downtown San Diego

Thank you for reading and for your positive feedback all these years, as I took my first tentative steps as a teacher and grew to love what I did. You’ll see me here again before too long, bringing stories of art and creativity. Until then, thanks for being here. Be safe and find some joy.