El on Wheels

Sometimes I talk to someone and think, Wow, this person has amazing life stories. I should make this an interview for my blog. My friend Ellen L is the subject of today’s interview. She’s a spicy transplant from New York, although she has called San Diego home since 1975. For thirty years Ellen drove a cab, and she always wears bold earrings and at least ten colors at once. She’s funny, independent and eclectic. I recently emailed to ask if I could interview her for my blog. Mere seconds after I sent the email, Ellen replied and said she was all in. And that should tell you a lot about this fearless lady. She’s spunky and up for adventure. Let the interview begin.

I arrive at Ellen’s house and she calls a greeting through the screen door. Her voice is full of personality. It has a little bit of a New York flavor to it—a sensibility rather than a strong accent. Ellen grins at me and her eyes twinkle. She’s wearing oversized, two-toned eyeglasses, beaded, multicolored earrings, and pink and orange from head to toe. We make our way to the back patio and settle into red chairs. The wind chimes are making peaceful sounds in the breeze, we start gabbing and our reunion begins.

Sarah C: I entitled our interview “El on Wheels” because you spent thirty years driving a taxi around San Diego and you are a senior who rode as a passenger on motorcycles for thousands of miles. You’re opinionated, confident, and not watching life from the sidelines. How do you see yourself?

Ellen L: Bold, but also calm, and a peacenik. I’m fun to be with and a good listener.

SC: How did you get into the cab driving profession and what did you love about it?

EL: It was 1978 and I had moved from New York to San Diego a few years before. My job as a bank teller was feeling stale and so I opened up the Classifieds and started looking for something different. I’d always loved to drive so I looked under “D” and found a listing for “Yellow Cab needs drivers.” It ended up being a wonderful mix of two things I loved: driving and interacting with people. My passengers liked that I was interested in them and they called me for regular rides. One older lady asked me to come into her doctor appointments as a second set of ears. I had real friendships with people I drove again and again.  

SC: Driving a taxi as a woman involved a degree of risk. Were you ever scared and how did you handle that?

EL: I had a few bad rides but I never let fear stop me. 99% of the time, the rides were smooth sailing. I’d take people to the airport or to their doctor. There were a few times when I got a sixth sense that something was off, like the time I suspected that a car was following me. I pulled over, and the other vehicle did, too. I walked up to the driver and asked why he was following me. He said they were searching for a bank robber. When the police removed the passenger from my cab, they found drugs hidden under the back seat. No one was hurt but it certainly rattled me, and I went home early that day. Yet, most of my passengers were decent people and I loved talking with them. The few bad experiences did not tempt me to stop driving. By my choice, my taxi meter went dark in 2008. Fares were becoming harder to get. Town Cars were everywhere, getting our jobs. I actually drove a Town Car for a while before Uber became available, but the transportation business had changed and I decided it was time to retire.

Ellen during her stint as a Town Car driver.

SC: Have you always liked driving?

EL: I’ve always loved being in cars. When I was a kid on Long Island, my dad took us on drives every Sunday. My maternal grandpa was a cabbie, although I was never in his cab. I am really comfortable behind the wheel. We took cross-country trips from New York to California when I was a kid, and so cars and travel have been a large part of my life since birth.

SC: You have traveled on a motorcycle with your husband Joe. What is the longest trip you took with him?

EL: We did lots of short trips, like from San Diego to Las Vegas or Phoenix. Our longest was from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, to San Diego, which is 1,600 miles and took four days. It was hailing in the Canadian Rocky Mountains on the fourth of July, and that was enough for me! Joe often rode his motorcycle to Navy reunions in various states, and I would fly out to meet him and we rode back together.

SC: Were people surprised when they realized two seniors dressed in leather were zooming up on a Harley?

EL: Sometimes, but people focused more on Joe’s bike than on our age. When they saw how Joe had customized his machine with 1,475 studs (attached with epoxy), people often asked to take a photo. Joe customizes everything at our home. His personalized license plates, decorations and mementos are everywhere from the pink front door to the back porch, which is sprinkled with unusual lights, funny quotes and whatever we find intriguing.

SC: Did you and Joe meet because of motorcycles?

EL: No, and he didn’t have one when we met. But he rode an Indian motorcycle as a young man in the Navy. He always loved tinkering with motorcycles and other machines.

SC: How did you meet Joe?

EL: We met in 1981, thanks to my mom, who moved to San Diego a few years before I did. After Joe’s Navy years, he became an appliance repairman. He fixed several of my mom’s appliances and she thought he was a really special guy. We both were single parents (Joe had two sons and I had three kids) and my mom thought our personalities would mesh well. Our first date was at Love’s Wood Pit Barbecue in Mission Valley and we had an immediate connection. We’ve been together ever since.

SC: What is your philosophy on aging?

EL: I don’t relate to it. We’re in our eighties but mentally, I’m eighteen! Of course, my knees creak, but I ignore the aches and pains, and I’m active. Acupressure helps, as does stretching each morning in our hot tub at home. I bike, I walk a lot, and I swim three times a week. I’m keeping the rust from settling!

SC: Were you always active?

EL: Actually, I’ve changed and grown a lot in my adult life. At age thirty-four I began an emotional, spiritual and physical journey. I’d always carried extra weight, and I decided to start taking care of my body more, as well as my soul. This was the beginning of my metamorphosis. I became healthier, and I learned to be more assertive. I began wearing bright colors like pink and orange, and became more outgoing.

SC: It’s hard to picture you as anything but outgoing. What were you like as a child?

EL: I was withdrawn, not a talker. As the oldest of four kids, I felt responsible for others. I got my sense of dependability from my dad, and my desire to help people from my mom. Starting at thirteen, I worked as a mother’s helper, babysat for neighboring families, and that summer I worked in a nearby day camp. These were great experiences and prepared me for becoming a mom. I married young and had three great kids: Shari, Wendi and Jeffrey.

SC: What was your hometown like?

EL: I grew up in Far Rockaway, on Long Island, NY, a small seaside town, where we knew everybody. Frank was our local bus driver on the same route for years. We rode with him to the beautiful beaches on the Atlantic coast. Our mailman was Tommy and our shoemaker was Dominick. We kids roller skated and biked and played with each other all day long. The neighborhood was very safe. We trusted all of our neighbors. I lived in the same apartment from age four until I married. I think that growing up trusting others, and believing that those around me were good, must have led me to feel hope rather than fear when I became a cab driver. Rather than being scared of the unknown, I trusted that things would work out.

SC: Before driving the cab, you worked in banks in Manhattan and San Diego. 

EL: Yes, I love numbers, so banks were a logical fit for that aspect of myself. But the banks where I worked in San Diego had a much slower vibe than the ones in New York. I needed a change, and the taxi gave me that. During my cabbie years I also began volunteering at the San Diego Visitor Center in Horton Plaza. It was so much fun and extremely rewarding to assist thousands of visitors. In those years, they had a short pamphlet from the airport, with all the flight times listed on it. If someone in my cab missed their flight, we looked at the pamphlet for upcoming departures. Volunteering was the same. We volunteers thought outside the box. If someone missed boarding their cruise ship, one of the volunteers found a way to fly them to the next port so they could board. Volunteering was about solving problems, and I put a personal touch on what I did. The center closed about eight years ago, but the group of us who volunteered still had reunions a couple of times a year. Once it is safe to meet again, we will continue our reunions.

SC: Speaking of COVID, connecting socially is important to you. How did you fare during this pandemic?

EL: We’ve done really well, luckily. I make it a point to get out, to be active, and to keep my mind nimble. Although the pool where I swam closed for a while, it has reopened. I continued to walk a lot. I missed the library when it closed so I began subscribing to the Union Tribune newspaper online. I printed their crossword puzzles and Sudoku to keep my mind energized. We have a few favorite television programs, like Jeopardy, Blue Bloods and Bull.

SC: Bull is about a man who analyzes potential jurors. I think the show feeds your appetite for learning about people. You’re not driving the cab anymore, but you still are fascinated by people. 

EL: True!

SC: Since we all spent more time at home last year, did you cook more?

EL: No! I’m the worst cook in the world. Joe asked me not to cook for him anymore! (She cackles.) But I do make a great vegetable soup and salads are my specialty.

SC: Your kitchen is beautiful! It’s small but packed with personality, with red countertops and backsplash, a red vintage stove, and red and pink tiles. Even the microwave is red. There are murals on the kitchen walls and ceilings, as well as in the bathroom. How would you describe your home?

EL: Playland! (Playland is an amusement park, built in 1928 in Rye, NY, near our home on the Rockaway Peninsula.) Our home is fun, comfortable and colorful. Joe loves color! There are personal touches everywhere. (She points to a poster made by her grandkids, hanging on the living room wall. It reads “Happy Birthday, Grinella!”)

SC: You nicknamed yourself “Granella” when you became a grandmother. What’s the backstory?

EL: I didn’t feel old enough to be a typical “Grandma” so I mixed “Gran” with “Ellen” and came up with “Granella.” Eventually the name changed to “Grinella,” which I love. I have four grandkids, Joe has four, and we have eight great-grandkids.

SC: Family connection is important to you. Before the pandemic you used to take yearly trips with your sister to various countries. Do you have a favorite destination?

EL: San Diego is truly my favorite place in the world. But as far as trips go, my first trip with my sister is memorable. This was twenty years ago, or so. We went to Budapest, Prague and Vienna, and stayed in Bed and Breakfasts in people’s homes. Meeting the locals scratched my itch to interact with others from different parts of the world. We liked the small towns rather than the touristy spots. I loved researching where to go and what to do. Other trips I’ve enjoyed include Ireland, England, France, Canada, Mexico and New Zealand.

SC: When COVID-19 is far behind us, what are you looking forward to doing?

EL: I am excited to do a siblings reunion again. My sister lives in San Diego but our two brothers live in Greenwich Village, NYC, and in Rhode Island. Before the pandemic, the four of us used to meet each year in different places. I’m ready for that reunion again!

SC: Is there a quote that you like or that embodies your philosophy on life?

EL: We create our own reality. 

Ellen has created her own unique reality, and she is living her dream. She’s happy, active and curious, and brings light and humor everywhere she goes. It was such fun to chat with Ellen and to hear more of this delightful lady’s stories.

Everyone has interesting stories to share--even the people who think they don’t--and I love learning about people: their pasts, their personalities and their passions.

Thank you to my fun-loving friend Ellen. You inspire me to be fearless, and you brighten my life. Keep sparkling, El!

Return to the Farm

I recently returned to an incredible place I discovered last year. Exactly one year and four days after first finding Lisa’s eclectic farm, I came back to follow up on one woman’s adventures in farming over the last year, how the COVID-19 pandemic challenged her farm--and how it revealed an unexpected silver lining.

My second visit to Lisa’s farm was on a warm Friday afternoon similar to the sunny day when I first met Lisa. So much has changed in twelve months, but some things remain the same. And perhaps a farm is the ideal place to reflect on this duality, because plants keep growing, unaware of the pandemic. The sun rises and grows plants, the rain falls, the bees pollinate, the sun sets and Earth keeps spinning. Even when the whole world seemed to shut down, plants kept growing. Nature reminds us that life continues.

If you read my January 2020 post about Lisa’s farm, you know that I met her through her online post asking for volunteers to help set up her farm, which is an edible maze. Lisa’s farm is close to the US-Mexico border and only a few minutes from Interstate 5. It’s near the city and yet somehow a world away, with its dirt roads, horses and ranches.

When I visited a year ago, Lisa had been developing her farm for six months. At the time, she was seeking volunteers to help make raised garden beds. I love growing things and I wanted to learn about how one operates a farm, so I emailed to volunteer. I helped her for a few hours and peppered her with questions about how and why one starts a farm in retirement. If you missed the first post, you can read it here:

https://frecklefacedwordwoman.blogspot.com/2020/01/a-delightful-day-in-dirt-at-lisas-farm.html

When I left Lisa’s farm that day a year ago, I was pleasantly sore from hauling wheelbarrow loads of compost, I was intrigued by Lisa’s plans, and I looked forward to visiting again in six months to see her progress.

Fast forward two months and the world shut down because of the COVID-19 pandemic. I sheltered in place, as most people did. Although I kept in touch with Lisa by email, I did not visit the farm because I was nervous about COVID and was taking seriously the orders to stay home. Months passed. And now it is a year later and I am following up with the farmer and her farm. We sat at the same table where we sat a year ago. It was a warm, breezy day, much like the day we met. We talked about her farm, and we watched farmers work in adjacent farms. In many ways our first and second visits felt similar.

Ah, but so many things have changed. This time we sat at least six feet apart, wearing masks. Now we have had almost a year of pandemic living under our belts. Last time, we did not know how much life was about to change all over the world. The virus we had heard about in January 2020 was overseas—it was troubling but seemed like a distant issue, literally. 

This visit was social, a check-in. I did not haul compost and my questions for Lisa were more conversational than they were during our interview last year. Still, some of Lisa’s answers surprised me, which goes to show that COVID has affected all of us in both universal and individual ways.

Artichoke

Calendula

When I arrived for my follow up visit, I said to Lisa, “I don’t know where to start. There is so much to see!” Lisa invited me to walk the perimeter of the farm and then investigate the middle. The perimeter is lined with artichoke plants, at least three different varieties. They are enormous—more than six feet in diameter. Their textured, silvery-green leaves overlap their neighboring plants, giving the border a lush, abundant feel. There are rows of broccoli, cauliflower, kale, beets and Swiss chard. Lisa says that in the summer, the tomatoes, sunflowers and corn were so tall that the farm became a secluded oasis for times when she wanted privacy. 

Lisa’s goal in starting the farm was to grow enough food to share with people who truly need it, volunteers and friends, and now front line workers. Her not-for-profit farm will be funded by patrons who subscribe to the numerous garden beds and individual plants. Patrons will be welcome to visit the farm for picnics, cooking demonstrations, exercise, birding or just relaxation and fresh air. 

This year Lisa grew a lot of vegetables, herbs and ornamental plants, including calendula, forget-me-nots, nasturtium and geraniums, some of which are edible. She is adding more fruit, too, including strawberries and raspberries.

Forget-Me-Nots.

 

So much is flourishing, but still, 2020 was a year of unpredictable difficulties. Given this, I asked Lisa what the biggest challenges have been for her and the farm in the last year. A mix of physical and mental ones, she says. The pandemic has shaken all of us, of course. Feeling worried about the virus and feeling isolated are some of the mental challenges. But running a farm has no shortage of physical challenges, too. Sometimes the weather is a giant challenge if frost kills plants overnight or when the warm wind dries out the farm faster than she can water it. An injured shoulder slowed Lisa down for a while but she says it is much better now. Farming is full of the unknown, like life itself. Sometimes Lisa has to slow down for a while, or implement Plan B, C, D or E. Flexibility is key. Lisa postponed her patron subscription program, but hopes to introduce it by this spring. Hit a roadblock? Don’t give up. Forge a new route. 

I asked Lisa what the biggest surprise was for her as a farmer in 2020. Two thoughts came to her mind. 

The biggest surprise was cats. Months ago, Lisa noticed a calico cat darting around her farm and neighboring farms, hunting. The cat looked very malnourished, so Lisa began to feed her. Contrary to popular belief, there is such a thing as a free lunch, so the cat stayed. Lisa named her “Cali” because of her calico coat. Lisa soon realized that having an animal around not only gave her someone to talk to, but it also helped with the rodent problem. Cali caught rats, mice, rabbits and gophers, uninvited guests who chomped on Lisa’s plants as if at a midnight all-you-can-eat salad bar. One morning, Cali emerged from under a huge volunteer tomato plant, followed by a tiny crew of four adorable kittens. “The cats saved my farm,” Lisa says with wonder. 

These unexpected mascots helped curb the rat population and soon set up a den in Lisa’s heart. As we chatted, two of the kittens timidly tiptoed toward me. I held out a hand, hoping they would let me pet them. One finally did—for a microsecond—before darting off to walk the grounds. “I love talking to and watching the cats. They bring smiles to my face,” Lisa says, and they love farm life. Lisa has made a cozy home for them in a greenhouse she ordered online and set up with the help of two volunteers. 

Lisa says the second biggest surprise are her volunteers. Yes, the shelter in place order slowed the flow of volunteers at times in the last year. But other times, she had loads of volunteers. She sees her farm as an outdoor gym, and when traditional gyms were closed, people came to the farm to get a full-body workout, shoveling compost to distribute to raised beds, weeding, transplanting, and harvesting. Lisa loves the energy that volunteers bring, and the conversation. Making and sharing gourmet meals with volunteers is also important to her, and her dishes range from vegan to venison. When so many places were closed during the spring of 2020, the farm was open and welcomed volunteers. It gave them something positive to do during a time when many of us felt helpless. The outdoor setting allowed visitors to be active and productive while maintaining social distance and wearing masks when close to one another. Lisa adapted to the COVID guidelines and her volunteers follow safety measures. COVID-19 has been no picnic, but it did not end Lisa’s farm—in fact, it provided an unexpected silver lining: a growing volunteer crew and new friends. 

During my second visit, a frequent volunteer named Lala arrived. The three of us sat and talked as the bamboo wind chimes provided background music. I chatted with Lala about her experience at Lisa’s farm. Lala first visited the farm with a friend, a woman who frequently came with several family members to work at the farm. When I ask Lala what her favorite thing to do at the farm is, she enthusiastically says, "Everything!" She does it all, from schlepping compost to harvesting seeds. It feels good to get out of the house, Lala says. She loves the change of scenery and being outdoors. Lala is from the West Samoan Islands and Lisa's farm is a connection to her island plantation, where her family still grows all of their own vegetables and fruits. The produce Lala's family cultivates includes bananas, coconuts, taros, tamu taro roots, avoka (avovados), sugar cane, pineapples, peas and various greens. 

For Lala, a vegan and an animal lover, a visit to Lisa's farm is like hitting the jackpot. The farm brings together her favorite things in life. She enjoys the organic greens, the volunteer work and smiling at Cali and her fur babies as they play or peek out from under vegetable shrubs. Lala says the dynamics of the farm are "a beautiful surprise, a breath of fresh air and an added value to the peaceful, amazing, sustainable, ever-growing farm!"

I asked Lisa what her plans are for the coming year. To keep growing, she says. Like anyone with a newish endeavor, she is learning as she goes. Lisa has learned that the plastic netting she first used for fencing on the perimeter of her farm was not a good idea. Animals got stuck in it. She replaced that with chicken wire, but it is rusting away. She plans to install a more expensive and durable steel fencing material next. Lisa also has plans to add more cylindrical vertical gardens around three sides of her farm, like the one below, which supports gourds:

Lisa has dozens of varieties of vegetables, flowers and herbs but wants to try new ones, too. She plans to plant cardoon, plants similar in taste to artichokes but with edible stems. 

Sitting in the shade of an umbrella, I saw a hawk circling overhead and a hyper hummingbird zooming through the farm. Lisa told the story of a brief spell of fame on her farm last autumn. Birders love the nature reserve in which Lisa’s farm is located. This preserve is where 340 native and migrating bird species can be found. One day a famous birder told Lisa that she has a rare bird at her farm, the tiniest known hummingbird in North America, called Calliope. Soon, many birders flocked to her farm to see this hummingbird that had flown off course heading south for the winter.

As we talked, Lisa mentioned red-winged blackbirds, roadrunners, magpie jays and crows. She loves birds and being within the nature preserve is another benefit of having her farm. Last year, a giant great horned owl was caught upside down in the netting next to artichoke plants. With the help of a neighbor, Lisa freed the bird and sent it on its way. Lisa also has rescued more than a dozen huge gopher snakes who became trapped in the original netting. Every day presents new wonders as well as new challenges. No two days of farming are alike.

During my brief visit to the farm, I feel like I am transported to a different world. The leaves rustle in the breeze and a cat rests in the shade. Lizards scuttle underfoot while bees dart into the cabbages. It’s quiet and I’m surrounded by things that are growing. Here, my worries drift away, at least for a while. The farm is a living, changing kaleidoscope of green. 

As Lisa sends me off with a large harvest of fresh vegetables, I tell her I will be back again to see how the farm continues to change. There is hope on the horizon, with the arrival of vaccines for COVID. And when you are on a farm, you feel hope all around you. Growing something involves planning and work—but also hope. So perhaps it’s no surprise that Lisa’s farm endured and flourished in 2020. While other parts of society slowed down, the farm continued to grow. Surviving the stress of 2020 means one can survive almost anything. Both the farmer and her farm have triumphed.

I can’t wait to see how this dream of Lisa’s continues to grow.

A Delightful Day in the Dirt at Lisa's Farm

If you see three emus, you are almost there.

I’m not talking about a zoo. I’m talking about something amazing in the land just north of the US-Mexican border: ranches and farm land.

Over the weekend I worked at Lisa’s farm for half a day. I found Lisa through the Craigslist ad she posted to find locals who want to volunteer at her farm.

My gardening passion is growing and has become a fascination with farms. Lisa’s need for help and my interest in learning about farming came together on a clear, sunny morning.

Lisa’s is the fourth farm I’ve visited and the second farm where I’ve volunteered my help (I will blog about helping on the other farm soon).

Lisa’s South Bay farm is one-quarter of an acre. The farm sits on land that is part of the Tijuana River Valley Regional Park, which includes a huge community garden, the largest in the county. The handful of farm plots like Lisa’s were designated in 2018 as an experiment overseen by RCD (Resource Conservation District). The farms may be relatively new but the 201 garden plots on the land date back decades. Each garden plot is 30’ x 30’ and the effect is a beautiful patchwork quilt of green wonderland. As I drove toward the farm, I noticed the variety in each garden plot. Some have hand-painted art or signs, many have garden sheds and bird feeders and one has a French door as the entrance. I saw sugarcane, flowers, berries, sweet peas, sunflowers, dragon fruit, banana trees, tomatoes, gourds, roses and lots of vines in the garden plots near Lisa’s farm.

Once I arrived, Lisa showed me around and I asked her if I could write about the farm in my blog. Milliseconds after she agreed, the questions began, and we talked while I worked. I helped at Lisa’s farm for four hours, creating garden beds along her fence line. I shoveled approximately twenty wheelbarrow loads of horse manure compost and dumped it into long, two-foot wide beds before raking it smooth. By the time I finished I had a very good upper and lower body workout and I’d enjoyed hours of peaceful time outdoors. As I told Lisa, it feels good to work my muscles, and I like falling into bed at night knowing that I worked hard. I also like seeing evidence of my effort, and seeing a garden bed that wasn’t there before is satisfying.

Not the most scenic photo ever taken, but these are some my my compost hauls.
I'm not some china doll, watching from the sidelines. I'm there to make a difference! 

The farm is within earshot of ranches, so we heard horses whinnying and a rooster crowing. We saw an egret on the hunt, and a ruby-throated hummingbird whizzing toward Lisa’s bird feeder again and again.

As I shoveled I asked Lisa whether she came from a family of farmers and why she moved to San Diego. Here are a few of my questions and her answers:

Sarah: When did you start farming on this land? 

Lisa: I started this project six months ago, in July of 2019. By this coming July, this will be a jungle!

Sarah: What’s your vision for the farm? 

Lisa: I have ten foot by four foot garden beds, and I envision vining produce growing eight feet tall. There will be eighteen circular garden "rooms" around the perimeter of the farm. Each room will be twelve feet across and will have curved walls, with produce growing up the walls and onto the chicken wire ceiling. You will be able to walk through each room to the next one. 
Each room will have its own mix of produce. 

Sarah: What are you growing right now?

Lisa: Presently there are tomatoes, spaghetti squash, artichokes, red chard, kale, papaya, parsley, oregano, thyme, chives, tarragon and guavas growing.

Sarah: You’re retired, but you’re not interested in slowing down. What made you decide to gear up for a really full future, including building a farm from scratch?

Lisa: This is a not-for-profit CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) farm. People are invited to experience the farm with field trips, picnics, cooking demonstrations and volunteering to maintain the farm. I want to feed people who are struggling due to food shortages in San Diego County. I want to provide them with high-nutrient foods so that they can be healthy and build a positive future. The walkways I have marked throughout the farm are wide, and so people using wheelchairs can come into the farm and experience it, too.

Sarah: What are some of the reasons people have given for wanting to come volunteer on your farm?

Lisa: They all just like to help. Many want to learn about farming. Some do it to get some fresh air and exercise. At least two volunteers were new to town and wanted to connect with others.

Sarah: Your farm is still in the beginning stages, but it already has such a creative and personal feel to it. Among other things, you’ve created a patio “room” in the middle, bordered by potted trees and plants of all kinds.

Lisa: Yes, I wanted to create a private area to sit and the trees help with privacy. My walls include potted Norfolk Island Pines, which I brought with me when I moved from Seattle years ago. Surrounding the garden “room” I have ornamental plants.  

Sarah: This farm is not large but it still is a lot of land to nurture. It takes courage to do this.

Lisa: Well, I come from a very entrepreneurial family. I was born in upstate New York, where my family had a horse and Christmas tree farm. My dad was a professional artist and when I was two years old we moved to Cape Cod, where my parents opened the largest art gallery on Cape Cod.

Sarah: One common thread in your family’s endeavors is risk. Being a farmer is risky. There’s a lot that is out of your hands. Being an artist is hard. Opening a gallery was another chance your parents took. They were not afraid to try something others would label as too uncertain. I like that you absorbed from your family that taking a chance was allowed. I think it led you to where you are now, dreaming big, rather than counting reasons not to build this farm.

Lisa: My family always had a garden. Many years ago, I decided to move to San Diego. My son was leaving for college and I was ready for a change. San Diego is the ideal place to live, year-round. I like this farm. I love watching all the birds fly overhead. This area has a huge variety of birds because it is adjacent to the Tijuana River Estuary, a protected wetland where migratory and wintering birds make their homes.

Sarah: Can I come back in a few months and see how the farm has continued to change and grow?

Lisa: Yes. There is going to be a lot of growth in the coming months. I’m excited about the future of this farm: growing food, sharing with others and eventually bringing the community together for events at the farm.

All in the Family

What’s it like growing up in a family of twelve? Busy.

Or so I’d guess. I grew up with one sister, so how would I know? Today’s post is a Q and A with someone who knows exactly what it’s like to grow up in a big family. My friend Diane is one of ten siblings. When I discovered this fact, questions instantly ricocheted around my brain. I had to know more, so I announced to Diane that I was going to interview her, and sweetheart that she is, she agreed.

Sarah: You grew up in a family of ten siblings. Where were you in the lineup?

Diane: I am one of three girls, and we have seven brothers. I was born seventh.

S: Your parents married young, and started their family the following year. Tell me about their early years.

D: My parents, Robert and Norma, married soon after my mom’s high school graduation. Mom was still seventeen and Dad was twenty. Their first child arrived when Mom and Dad were eighteen and twenty-one. In the next seventeen years they had a total of ten kids. The closest siblings in age are my older brother and me, and we are thirteen months apart, to the day.

S: When did your parents move into the house in which you grew up?

D: When my oldest brothers were small, my parents moved into their house in Paradise Hills, a neighborhood in southeast San Diego. My dad was a mechanical engineer at Rohr. My mom worked when her first kids were young. Once the family became larger she stopped working outside the home until we were much older. Although my parents didn’t come from big families, large families were not unusual in Paradise Hills in the 1960s and 70s. We knew families in our area with thirteen or sixteen kids or more. To us, a family with only five or six kids was small!

S: What was your neighborhood like when you were a child?

D: When I was very small, the neighborhood was mostly Caucasian, but as I grew a little older there was a lot of cultural diversity. We kids had friends of various nationalities, and we liked the diversity. My parents lived in the same house for more than thirty years, and they were quite friendly with their neighbors throughout the time there. Although our family does not own that house anymore, one of my sisters lives two doors away from our childhood home.

S: The house you grew up in was approximately 1,000 square feet, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Who slept where?

D: My two sisters and I always shared a bedroom. My parents had a room, and some of my brothers shared another room. Eventually we needed another bedroom so the garage was converted into a fourth bedroom, where four of my brothers slept in two sets of bunk beds.

S: Your neighbors helped convert the garage into a bedroom.

D: Yes, one neighbor was an architect, and drew up the plans to convert the garage. Another neighbor was an engineer, like my dad, and they worked together to turn the garage into a new bedroom. Many neighbors helped. It was that kind of neighborhood. Neighbors always helped one another.

S: Still, even with an additional bedroom, it was a full house. One man I met from a family of fourteen said they ate dinner in shifts. How did all of you manage mealtimes, and all the ins and outs of daily life?

D: Breakfast was usually a quick meal. We each packed our own lunches for school. All of us had chores, mostly driven by our ages. Before dinner, the younger kids peeled potatoes and carrots. Older siblings were allowed to cut vegetables. Mom delegated and she did the cooking, and as we became older she taught us to cook. Dad cooked, too. Whoever was home at dinner time sat and ate. We had a big horseshoe-shaped booth and whoever was home sat there for dinner. My older siblings reheated dinner when they came back from sports practice.

S: What about other chores?

D: In our house, when you turned twelve, you entered into the dish-washing rotation. I hated washing dishes! There were always so many dishes, and big pots, too. You could trade which day you did dishes, but no one got out of doing dishes. Eventually we got a dishwasher, which made a difference.

S: Speaking of cooking, grocery shopping must have been a frequent activity. Your family grew up in the 1950s and 60s, and Costco didn’t open in San Diego until 1983. Bulk buying wasn’t the option that is today. Did your mom shop daily?

D: We did go to the store regularly, and we always went in teams of at least two, since we needed two shopping carts. Sometimes my parents went grocery shopping together at night, as kind of a date night. But we were fortunate to have my grandparents nearby, and they had a huge garden at home, so we got a lot of vegetables from them. We considered ourselves lower-middle class—we weren’t wealthy—but we always had enough to eat. Occasionally we’d go to a restaurant, and I remember the Mexican restaurant near our house. To this day I measure all Mexican food against that place.

S: Did your family have a washer/dryer at home? Were these machines running 24/7?

D: Yes! Once you were in high school you were expected to do your own laundry.

S: Not only did your parents raise their ten kids, but at times there were also friends living with your family.

D: Yes, there often was an extra boy or two living with us. If a friend was going through a rough patch at home, my parents opened up our house to our friends.

S: Wow. They had big hearts. They died young but they made an impact while they were living.

D: My dad died at age forty-five, when I was thirteen. He’d had heart problems. Mom died at fifty-two. Both were amazing. They had tons of patience, and they had great senses of humor.

S: You are an involved, patient mom of two. Do you approach parenting in some of the ways your parents did?

D: My parents were more patient than I am. I guess they had to be! But yes, the two biggest lessons I learned from them were to be patient, and to try to find a way to laugh about the tough things in life. They were encouraging and always supportive. Even when they were mad at us, we always felt loved.

S: With ten kids, how did your family celebrate birthdays?

D: Growing up, we celebrated each child’s birthday, sometimes with a party, sometimes with a family dinner at home with cake. Once we were older we started gathering monthly to celebrate all birthdays in that month.

S: Do any of your siblings have their own large families now?

D: The most any of us has is four kids.

S: How many of the ten siblings still live in this area?

D: Seven of us do. Some of us get together regularly to play low-stakes poker. We play nickel-dime-quarter. I actually learned to play when I was a child, so this is not only fun, but it’s also a connection to the family in which I was raised.

S: Are there other special items or traditions that have been passed down through the family?

D: Two stories come to mind. The first is funny. When I was small Mom made meatloaf a lot, but it wasn’t something I liked. Oddly, my sister makes meatloaf now, using the very same recipe Mom used--and I love my sister’s meatloaf! The second story is about my mom’s china. She had service for twelve, which my parents spent years collecting. When Mom passed away my older sister inherited the china and she enjoyed using it for years. But she recently gave it to me. I’m looking forward to using it for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and one day I’ll pass on my mom’s china to my daughter.

S: It’s a common belief that the youngest child gets away with more than the oldest, or that rules became more relaxed over time. Did this seem true in your family?

D: My older brothers remember our parents being stricter with them, although my parents believed they parented each of us the same way!

S: I’m interested in birth order and how it shapes each person’s personality. But birth order stereotypes only go so far when there are eight middle children.

D: Yes. Middle kids are often peacemakers. Sometimes I fit the peacemaker role but other times it wasn’t me. The dynamic shifted a lot as we grew. 

S: Were all the kids expected to share toys and clothes with siblings? Were there items that clearly were yours—ones that you were not urged to share?

D: Most things were shared but we each had some things that were our own. You learned to find a safe spot to put something special. When we were teens, my sisters and I shared clothes and shoes. We each had our own but sharing was an affordable way to triple our wardrobe.

S: What were the biggest challenges in a family of twelve? Was getting individual attention hard?

D: Actually, my parents somehow found a way to give each of us regular one-on-one attention. I never felt lost in the shuffle. All of us kids did sports, and at least one of our parents made a point to watch at least part of each of our games. The biggest challenges in a family of our size were practical issues like getting shower time, or a ride to practice, or access to the washing machine.

S: How does a family of twelve keep things organized? I misplace things regularly and I have three kids—not ten! Were you parents really tidy?

D: Certain things needed to be put back exactly in their place—like Dad’s tools. With a lot of other things we just did what we could. You were responsible for your own things, but there were plenty of mornings when someone couldn’t find their shoes!

S: Getting a lot of kids out the door to school each morning must have been a challenge. Was your school walking-distance?

D: Yes. We walked a lot. School was nearby. Baseball practice was walking-distance. High school wasn’t close enough to walk to but as kids we walked a lot or rode bikes.

S: I did a little research about large families (defined as having six or more children). Online, there are a lot of theories about kids from large families being at a disadvantage (especially as far as parents’ attention and finances). But one article online pointed out that children in large families have notable advantages. They learn cooperation at an early age (as compared with children in smaller families) because they must learn to get along with many siblings. Children in large families learn responsibility for themselves and often for younger brothers and sisters. These children also tend to have an easier time adapting to change. (http://psychology.jrank.org/pages/237/Family-Size.html) Do you think you are flexible in terms of change?

 

D: Yes. I do think I’m adaptable to change and I know it’s because we had to be flexible. From the very beginning we learned to compromise, to share and to get along.

 

S: What are other advantages of being part of a large family?

D: We always had a playmate around. There was always someone to help you if you needed it. Sometimes the disadvantages annoyed me: like my older siblings making me play games they wanted to play. But the advantages far outweighed the challenges. There was a lot of camaraderie. My brothers also taught us girls to play sports and we became good because we were practicing with bigger, more experienced kids.

S: What is your favorite memory of growing up in your family?

D: Christmas holds happy, funny memories. Our extended family always came to our house, and everyone piled in. Our dad came up with a tradition for opening Christmas gifts. He’s start with the youngest child, who was required to sing a few lines from a Christmas song before being allowed to open a present. Then, the second youngest would sing part of a different Christmas song before getting to open a gift. And so on. Everyone had to sing a different Christmas song, and this became funnier with each child as we tried to think of a song that hadn’t been sung yet. I think Dad devised this plan to slow things down on Christmas, so that it wasn’t just complete chaos. His tradition forced us to focus on one thing at a time and while it took ages to get through the gifts, there was something fun and special about the system, too. Life was hectic at times, absolutely. But I have many happy memories of growing up in my family….