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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Freckle Face's First Blog (Jan. 2009)

I’m obsessed with words. That’s no confession. I see it as a GOOD thing!

And so, I now have my very own blog, a great way to express myself and to share my thoughts with others. It’s been a long time in coming. I’m boarding late, but blogging has not been on my radar very long, even though writing has. I’ve kept a Top Secret Diary for over 20 years. I can’t stop the noise in my head and getting it onto paper or computer screen helps. Journaling is a good therapy.

Why name myself “Freckle Face?” Another fear-confrontation. When I was a kid the blonde-haired know-it-alls made a point about counting my freckles. The message was clear: freckles weren’t ok, being different wasn’t ok, I wasn’t ok. It took me quite a while to embrace my freckles, my differences, and myself in general. At 35, I’m past all that now but it’s still a lesson I need to review from time to time: don’t beat yourself up for the ways in which you’re different—CELEBRATE them. It would be boring to live in a world of Ken and Barbie, everyone the same.

Why the need to air private thoughts in such a public forum? For someone who has been afraid of people’s judgments, this is good therapy. By exposing my thoughts, I’m challenging (and hopefully dismantling) my own fears.

Another reason to publicize my thoughts is that I’ve been through my share of battles and I’d be happy if something in this blog (even one sentence) reached someone and helped them. I love reading, and it’s worth reading a whole book even if only a single point resonates with me. As humans, we’re constantly sorting through input, trying to find what’s relevant, helpful, and aids us in moving in the direction we want. Other people have useful tips. I write the ones I like on a piece of paper, and post it to the wall. Words have great power. They have the power to hurt, to separate, but also to heal. There is catharsis in saying or hearing certain words, even if you’re the one writing, then reading them.

My friend Diana says I talk faster than anyone she knows, which surprised me. I figured I talk as fast as my brain feeds my mouth the words, at a perfectly reasonable pace! My husband kids me about saying 5 times as many words as he does. (Oh, please! Obviously, I had to explain exactly why that wasn’t true, citing many examples and offering tons of proof. Five minutes into my explanation he thought his point was made, whereas I thought mine was! As I tell him, it’s simply that I’m THOROUGH in how I explain things…)

My writing teacher said the challenge is to impart the message with fewer words. Clearly, I come from the More is More School of Words. But she’s right, and I will be working on that. But until I master brevity, it’s lucky for me that there’s lots of room in Cyber Space!

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