Spring Break
is coming. Thank Heavens. I don’t know if the kids need a break from school,
but the parents sure do. At least this parent does. I’ve whipped up a
questionnaire that will help you determine how desperate you are for vacation.
Give yourself 1 point for every answer of “yes.”
1. I sometimes put lunchboxes in the
wrong kid’s backpack.
2. I wonder why I’m still packing a
20-year-old’s lunch box. (Just kidding. My kids are much younger. It only feels like I’ve been packing lunches for
2 decades.)
3. I spend more time doing dishes each day than the total time I spend on
self-grooming each week.
4. I’m distracted and accidentally put
my kids’ Sponge Bob toothpaste on my brush, but use it anyway.
5. I spend more time with the washer
& dryer than I do with my significant other.
6. I’ve made dinner that included bugs
on a log as a side dish.
7. I have to double-check that I’ve
grabbed my own kids in the school parking lot.
8. I can’t go to the bathroom by myself
because at least one child follows me in to talk.
9. I can’t have a bath without a young
child coming in and yelling “out!”
10. Someone at the park asked me if my
kids were my grandkids (I wish I were making this up!).
11. Socks need not match. If I can find
two socks that fit the feet in question, it’s a victory.
12. I haven’t been in a movie theater in
five years.
13. I plan to wash my car the next time
nature supplies rain.
14. Even on a good day I look like the “before
makeover” photo.
15. I embrace the motto “Messy is the new
clean.”
16. I embrace the motto “Haggard is the
new hot.”
17. I consider defending my wrinkled
outfit with this phrase: it’s lived-in chic (and slept-in).
18. I no longer see them as stains but as
intentionally-placed accent marks.
19. I no longer must apply mascara before
leaving the house. I simply must have pants on.
20. My boobs have fallen so low people mistake them for a baby bump.
If you
answered “yes” to fewer than 8 questions, you are reasonably balanced and not
in desperate need of Spring Break. Congratulations! And please stop reading
this blog as you are super-human and cannot relate to my wacky life.
If you
answered “yes” to 9-13 questions, you are in the danger zone for burn-out.
Cancel all appointments this week and soak in the tub while no one is home to
interrupt you. Remember to breathe and to say “no” to requests from school for
volunteers.
If you
answered “yes” to 14 or more questions, welcome to my club! We are W.O.Ms.
Worn-out-moms. We need Spring Break STAT! A drip-feed of Gatorade is
recommended. We require a shot of adrenaline and a transfusion is not out of the
question. Now go hide from your kids and put your feet up for five minutes
before they find you—doctor’s orders!
No comments:
Post a Comment