Well, it must have hitched a ride on something, but it
seemed like it came out of nowhere. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something moving toward the collar of my
shirt. Within a fraction of a second, I’d swiped at it. I’m not a spider-killer
(unless they are black widows) but my swipe was intended to get that thing off
of me RIGHT NOW!
Unfortunately, my shaking the intruder off my shirt sent him
careening down. Into my purse. Are you kidding me, universe? That’s even
creepier than having him on my shirt!
Within a minute I’d dumped the contents of my purse onto the
countertop. These things often seem to happen when I’m not at home, so the
whole thing transpired in a bathroom that wasn’t even mine! I cautiously pawed
through the substantial contents of my purse. I’d just cleaned it out a few
days before but honestly, this means nothing. I usually have tons of things in
my purse and today was no exception.
Obviously, keeping the little critter in my purse was
inconceivable. Imagine the freak-out I’d have if I forgot about the spider
hiding in my purse (and the likelihood that I might forget is at least 95%).
Can’t you just see me reaching into my purse and bringing out my Chapstick,
which happened to have a spider on the top, like the cherry on a very creepy
sundae? They would hear my shriek for miles. No, I was not taking that chance.
So I’d upended my purse and was trying to find that rascally spider. Would he
have dared try to hide in my wallet? Could he be in a discarded gum wrapper? I
looked and looked. Believe it or not, I did not find the trespasser. So I did
what anyone would do—I wrapped up the contents of my purse in a paper towel and
brought my empty purse with me. I wasn’t taking the chance that I’d reload my
purse and then forget about the fugitive hiding amid all my stuff.
So the mystery is unsolved. Could he have fallen off my
shirt and onto the floor, which was the same color as his body? Maybe. But as a
precaution I gave my shirt some rigorous shakes, lest he somehow was still on
or (gasp) in it.
These things seem to happen to me a lot. I seem to attract
strange coincidences. I get myself into weird predicaments more than the
average person does. Not just anybody can trap herself in a seatbelt as she
tries to enter it from the foot area of the car. No one else I know has gotten
her earring caught on a clipboard. I hit door frames constantly and trip over
my own shadow. It’s not that I’m a klutz, I explain to my hubby. It’s that I’m
moving fast and I don’t have patience for the slow lane. I want to get things done! I’m not a crazy driver but I live
other parts of my life like I’m at the Indy 500. It’s fast-forward, and zero to
sixty in 3.5 seconds. Who has time to go slowly? Not me! So if I bang my
shoulders on doorframes multiple times a week it’s because I am in fifth gear,
all the time. Pit stop? No time! Now where was I? Oh yes, spiders. I’m not sure
what spiders have to do with my accident-prone ways but somehow they are
related. Maybe the spider hitched a ride on me because he could see that I move
fast and he wanted the express train to his next stop. We all should keep our
eyes open for spider surprises, now that it’s almost Spring, the season when
flowers are blooming and spiders are hatching. (Shudder.) I didn’t want to
spook you with spider stories but having survived this spider shock (much
scarier than sticker shock), I feel it’s my responsibility to notify you about the
escapee. He is not dangerous but he does enjoy startling people. You have been
warned.
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