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Saturday, August 24, 2013

Working Out at Home

You: Sarah, have you been exercising more this month? What are you doing? Power lifting? The Tracy Anderson method?

Me: No. Why, do I look as strong as Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2?

You: Not so much. It’s the permanent sweat circles under your arms that made me curious. And you look exhausted.

Me: That’s parenthood for you.

You: Well, I meant even more exhausted than usual.

Me: Oh, that. We decided to do another home improvement project. It has been tiring. And it’s been a workout, actually. Did you know that cutting through Berber carpet really works your arm muscles?

You: Really? You’re telling me I don’t need free weights? Or a yoga mat? Or an inflatable balance ball? Or a chin-up bar? Or celebrity DVDs on how to tone everything from your nostrils down to your baby toes?

Me: That’s right. All you need is a box cutter and old carpet you can’t tolerate anymore.

You: Are you sure it will really help me build up a sweat?

Me: Are you kidding? I smell like a Sumo wrestler after body-slamming another Sumo wrestler for two hours. You’ll sweat a lot. It’s the newest home work out and it’s the hottest, sweatiest exercise there is. I recommend starting in August, for maximum sweat yield. Some people swear they get the best work out by cutting a rug, but they mean dancing. I mean actually slicing carpet.

You: Well, I can’t argue with the results. You look sweaty and ready to collapse. Maybe I should get your trainer’s name.
Me: You know him already: Hubby!

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